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Caddyshack | Fletch | Spies Like Us | Vacation

Caddyshack
  • TY: You take drugs, Danny?
    DANNY: Every day.
    TY: Then what's your problem?
  • TY: I like you, Betty.
    DANNY: That's Danny sir.
  • TY: I was born to love you. I was born to lick your face. I was born to rub you. But you were born to rub me first.
  • TY: You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
  • LACY: I tried to look you up but there wasn't a listing for Mr. Wonderful.
    TY: What spelling did you use?
  • TY: There's a force in the Universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen and be the ball.
  • TY: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.
  • JUDGE SMAILS: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. Why, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
    TY: Don't sell yourself short judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
  • TY: Oh, Judge, I don't keep score.
    JUDGE SMAILS: Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?
    Ty: By height.
  • DR. BEEPER: I thought you were gonna' play me in the tournament.
    TY: Well I guess you'll just have to keep playing with yourself.
  • DR. BEEPER: I thought you'd be the man to beat this year.
    TY: I guess you'll just have to keep beating yourself.
  • TY: A flute with no holes is not a flute. A donut with no holes is a danish.
  • TY: Me winning isn't, you do.

Caddyshack | Fletch | Spies Like Us | Vacation

Fletch

  • FLETCH: Well, there we're in a gray area
    FRANK:: How gray?
    FLETCH: Charcoal?
  • DR. DOLAN: Babar...isn't that a children's book?
    FLETCH: I don't know. I don't have any.
    DR. DOLAN: No children?
    FLETCH: No elephant books.
  • FLETCH: Aren't you gonna' read me my rights?
    COP: You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to have your face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped on by him.
    FLETCH: I think I'll waive my rights.
  • FLETCH: What's your name? Love? Twinkie?
  • CHIEF KARLIN (To the arresting officers)Why don't you two leave us alone?
    FLETCH: Yeah, go down to the gym and pump each other.
  • FLETCH: This little proposition doesn't entail me dressing as Little Bo-Peep, does it?
  • FAT SAM: I've got some reds.
    FLETCH: You don't mean communists do you Sammy?
  • FLETCH: It was something your wife said while we were in bed together. She said we had the same build. From the waist up I imagine.
  • FLETCH: There has been a lot of drug smuggling on the beach lately. I have been trying to find out who's behind it, it hasn't been easy ... I don't shower much.
  • GAIL STANWYCK: You ordered lunch to my room.
    FLETCH: Well, I knew that's where my mouth would be.
  • ALAN STANWYCK: One thousand just to listen. I don't see how you can pass that up, Mister - ?
    FLETCH: Nugent. Ted Nugent.
  • FLETCH: Shamu's got one, borrow his.
  • SECRETARY: I'm sorry, who are you again?
    FLETCH: I'm Frieda's boss.
    SECRETARY: Who's Frieda?
    FLETCH: My secretary.
  • RECORDS ROOM NURSE: May I get you something?
    FLETCH: You have any of the Beatle's White Album? Nevermind, just bring me a glass of hot fat, and the head of Alfredo Garcia while you're over there.
  • CHIEF KARLIN: Ask anybody.
    FLETCH: Can I ask anybody now? How about can I call my mom, tell her how much I love her?
  • FLETCH: Ahhh...that's a terrific wing. I love that shape.
  • TICKET AGENT: I'm afraid there is someone sitting next to you.
    FLETCH: Oh, for gad, garn, darn. Who is it? Mr. Singlinlin?
    AGENT: No, the name is Cavanaugh.
    FLETCH: Ah...Cavanaugh. Is that Maurice or Pierre?
    AGENT: Sally Ann Cavanaugh.
    FLETCH: Sally Ann? Well, terrific....
    AGENT: In fact, you purchased the ticket for Miss Cavanaugh.
    FLETCH: Doesn't mean I want her sitting next to me, does it?
  • GAIL STANWYCK: She looks like a hooker. Look at her, look at her. Could you love someone who looked like that?
    FLETCH: What are you talking about? Of course not. Five, ten minutes tops, maybe.
  • FLETCH: The coroner had certified Stanwyck dead, or extremely sleepy.
  • FLETCH: Sally Ann and Alan were married eight years ago, never divorced, making Stanwyck a bigamist, even in Utah.
  • FLETCH: If you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards.
  • (Fleeing from the police)
    KID: Are you a cop?
    FLETCH: As far as you know. Why? Did you steal this car?
    KID: I sure did.
    FLETCH: FLETCH: Well, I'm not even sure that's a crime anymore. There've been a lot of changes in the law.
  • HOSPITAL RECEPTIONIST: Can I help you Dr.--?
    FLETCH: Oh it's me, Dr. Rosenpenis. I'm just here to check out Alan Stanwyck's file.
    RECEPTIONIST: Dr. who?
    FLETCH: Dr. Rosenrosen, I'm here to get into the records room.
    RECEPTIONIST: What was that name again?
    FLETCH: It's Dr. Rosen, I want to check the records room.
    RECEPTIONIST: Dr. who?
    FLETCH: Dr. Rosen! Where's the records room?
  • FLETCH: I'm John.
    GAIL STANWYCK: Ohhhh, John. John who?
    FLETCH: John Cock...tos...ton.
    GAIL STANWYCK: That's a beautiful name.
    FLETCH: It's Scotch/Romanian.
    GAIL STANWYCK: That's an odd combination.
    FLETCH: So were my parents.
  • (At the Doberman Pinscher on his car hood)
    FLETCH: Look, defenseless babies!
  • FLETCH: I saw my pimp today.
  • WAITER: Would you like to order something, sir. I will put it on the Underhills' bill.
    FLETCH: Oh, yes. Very well. I'll have a Bloody Mary, a steak sandwich and a... steak sandwich.
  • FLETCH: Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.
  • FLETCH: I would have been here sooner, but a manure-spreader jackknifed on the Santa Ana. You should see my shoes.
  • CHIEF KARLIN: What's your name?
    FLETCH: Fletch.
    CHIEF KARLIN: What's your full name?
    FLETCH: Fletch, F. Fletch.
    CHIEF KARLIN: What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
    FLETCH: I'm a shepherd.
    CHIEF KARLIN: Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
    FLETCH: I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.
  • PATHOLOGIST: Ever seen a spleen that large?
    FLETCH: No, not since breakfast.
  • MADELINE: Sugar Mr. Poon?
    FLETCH: No, never, never...thank you.
  • ALAN STANWYCK: You do own rubber gloves?
    FLETCH: I rent 'em. I have a lease with an option to buy.
  • FLETCH: (to Alan Stanwyck) For another grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner.
  • FLETCH: Oh, you've remodeled the garage. Must have cost you hundreds.
  • FLETCH: Using the whole fist, Doc?
  • FLETCH: You know, Utah. It's wedged in between Wyoming and Nevada. You've seen pictures.
  • FLETCH: I didn't want to do this, but I'm afraid I'm gonna' have to pull rank on you. I'm with the Mattress Police. There are no tags on these mattresses.
  • DOCTOR DOLAN: I can't seem to find anything wrong with you Mr. Babar.
    FLETCH: I'm sure its not from a lack of looking.
  • FLETCH: Actually, my company is the sub-insurers of a subsidiary carriers of a policy held by Alan Stanwyck, who I believe is your son.
  • FLETCH: I'm gonna' need some pliers, and a set of 30 weight ball bearings (it's all ball bearing nowadays) And I'm gonna' need about 10 quarts of antifreeze, preferably Prestone. No, make that Quaker State.

Caddyshack | Fletch | Spies Like Us | Vacation

Spies Like Us

  • ALICE: Fitz you HAVE to take that test. I'm very hurt that that's why you invited me over today.
    EMMETT: Oh come on, don't do that Alice. I'm sorry. I'm not myself today. I saw my neurologist this morning.
    ALICE: You're not going to give me some bullshit that you're dieing are you?
    EMMETT: No. ... Not now.
  • REPORTER: What about the Paraguayan army's request for spraying subisidies?
    EMMETT: Are there any Paraguayans here? No? Well, of course, their request for subsidies was not uh Paraguayan as it is, as it were, uh the United States government would never have if the President, our President had not and as far as I know that's the way it will always be. Is that clear?
  • EMMETT: Oh, uh will you hold my wallet while I take the test, please? There is a thousand dollars in there .. or maybe there isn't. Know what I mean?
    TEST MONITOR: Are you saying I can take this money if I help you pass the test?
    EMMETT: What do you think?
  • (aboard a plane)
    EMMETT: We're just hitching a ride with these guys. They won't make us jump.
    AUSTIN: Jump. No chance. We won't have to jump.
    EMMETT: Nah.
  • (war cry in the distance)
    EMMETT: Was that me?
  • (surrounded by Ninjas)
    AUSTIN: We need a plan.
    EMMETT: Let's play dead.
  • (surrounded by Ninjas)
    EMMETT: : Alright. .. Stop right there, and I'll bring back the sun. (takes out his wallet) Ok, .. this is .. my sister. You can all have her. I hear she's very good.
  • (surrounded by Ninjas)
    AUSTIN: For God's sake how some balls!
    EMMETT: I think it's too late .. to try and impress them.
  • (surrounded by Pakistani rebels)
    EMMETT: (In Pakistani) If you let me go, you may keep my friend's head for polo.
  • EMMETT: Well the truth is I am a great surgeon, but alas, I recently suffered nerve damage in my left hand. Look at that, no feeling at all. Dead. (Grabs her breast)
  • AUSTIN: You just want to follow HER. Your thinking with your DICK ... they seem to be headed in that general direction. Maybe your dick's not so dumb.
    EMMETT: It got me through high school.
  • EMMETT: My objective? Well I object to taking a girl out, you know, and buying her dinner and then she won't put out for you.
  • RUSSIAN INTERROGATOR: Why are you here?
    EMMETT: Why am I here? Why are you here? Why is anybody here? I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who once said .. how do you spell spell Sartre?
    (soldier slaps him)
    EMMETT: Owww... and let that be a lesson to you.
  • RUSSIAN INTERROGATOR: Every minute you don't tell us why you are here, I cut off a finger.
    EMMETT: Mine or yours?
    RUSSIAN INTERROGATOR: Yours!
    EMMETT: Damn!
  • KAREN BOYER: Gentlemen I think you both should realize the gravity of this moment. my partner ... is now forever entombed in a snowy grave and it's not going to be for nothing! We are here today to guarantee the personal freedom of every American and we should never forget the words of President John F. Kennedy, who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country'.
    EMMETT: Will you marry me?
  • EMMETT: What is she saying?
    AUSTIN: Hair? Hair brush? Head dress?
    EMMETT: Jesus, where did you learn your Russian, JC Penney?

Caddyshack | Fletch | Spies Like Us | Vacation

Vacation

  • CLARK: Why aren't we flying? Because getting there is half the fun!
  • CLARK: Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right Rusty?
  • ELLEN: Clark, let's just skip the house of mud. I think Dodge City was enough for one day. Besides, Catherine and Eddie are expecting us.
    CLARK: It's living history Ellen. But if you'd rather see your cousins it's okay by me. Personally I'd rather see a pile of mud than Eddie.
  • COUSIN EDDIE: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you Clark?
    CLARK: You're the gourmet around here, Ed.
  • ELLEN: Oh, Clark this tent smells!
    CLARK: Edna, this is your tent.
  • ELLEN: Sparky, this isn't very romantic. ... I don't think there's enough room for two in this sleeping bag.
    CLARK: Oh honey, right now we're one. One heartbeat beating for two.
    (an animal growls)
    ELLEN: Sparky, wild animal!
    CLARK: I know.
    ELLEN: No, wild animal.
    CLARK: I'm gonna' go for it, honey!
  • CLARK: Hey, did you walk him?
    RUSTY: Yeah, he took a big one right on Aunt Edna's blanket.
    CLARK: Good boy!
  • CLARK: Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes.. or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away.
  • CLARK: Better take care of Aunt Edna. I'll take the leash.
    (later on the highway with a cop behind them)
    CLARK: Sweety, you hear that rattle?
  • ELLEN: I honestly don't think that your going to find the Grand Canyon on this road. 
    CLARK: Jesus, it's only the biggest God-damn whole in the world!
    AUNT EDNA: Clark, watch your language. 
    CLARK: Make that the second biggest.
  • CLARK: Audrey, when they close a road they put up BIG signs .. like this one.
  • (running through the dessert)
    CLARK: We pass a God-damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one you end up walking your ass off! This is no way to run a desert!
  • CLARK: I think you're all fucked in the head. We're ten hours from the fucking fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation! It's a quest. It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles! You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
  • GIRL WITH RED FERRARI: Having a nice little family vacation?
    CLARK: Hmm? .. Oh. Huh, huh. No. Would appear so, wouldn't it? Naw. Naw. The truth of it is and this is highly confidential, .. I own this motel. Yeah, own the whole chain nation wide, 2200 units. Yeah, once a year I travel across the country incognito, you know, checking things out, see how the operations running.
    GIRL WITH RED FERRARI: ... It's too bad your married. I'm in the mood for some fun. 
    CLARK: Married? Oh, you mean those people I'm with. That's my brother's family. My brother's ring. You know I usually borrow them on these little inspection tours of mine. It sort of helps to complete the disguise. ...
    GIRL WITH RED FERRARI: It's a good disguise. I like the station wagon.
    CLARK: Yeah, well that's a big part of it. You know, in order to be convincing, you have to look and act like an ordinary jerk. You know, stop at all the stupid sites and uh look like a fool.
    GIRL WITH RED FERRARI: Basically be yourself?
    CLARK: Yeah.
  • (with a gun pulled)
    CLARK: We just drove 2,460 miles just for a little Roy Walley entertainment. The moose says your closed. I say your open.
  • LASKY: Has your father ever killed anyone before?
    RUSTY: Oh, just a dog. Oh, and my Aunt Edna.
    CLARK: Hey, you can't prove that, Rusty!
  • LASKY: That's not a real gun, is it Clark?
    CLARK: What, are you kidding? This is a Magnum PI.
  • LASKY: You couldn't even brake the skin with that thing.
    CLARK: I could. It could. It could lodge under the skin and cause a very bad infection.

Caddyshack | Fletch | Spies Like Us | Vacation


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